name    Steven Beuselinck
email   
This scumbag trick has to be a classic. I once played a lower rated player and got into a bad position. He was in time trouble (needed 15 more moves in 5 minutes). I had plenty time left so I was still required to write my moves down. I saw my opponent was checking my score sheet to get an idea how many moves he needed to reach his 40th. I "accidentally" wrote an extra move on my score sheet, letting my opponent believe he reached the 40th within the time limit. He let his time pass to make his 41st move, but when the flag fell, I asked the TD to ask whether or not we made our 40 moves. The TD checked the game, saw my opponent didn't make the time control and gave me the win (2 pawns down)
A great victory for the scumbag gang!

name     Charles Cooper (grassed up by Neil Coward of Axa)
What about when you were short of time but just had enough time to win, Charlie Cooper told you your flag had fallen, you sat back sighed, shook your head, then realised he was lying, sat back up, bolt upright, continued your game only to genuinely lose on time.

name    Sneaky
crime    The Sneaker:
I once was playing a rated game in a tournament when my opponent left the board. He was gone awhile and I made my move. I suddenly noticed that I made a terrible blunder that dropped a full piece. There were games going on, on each side of me, but all four players were engrossed in their own thoughts and didn't even seem care anything about my game. As my opponent stayed away longer and longer, the blunder ached more and more. Finally, I said in my mind, "Just take it back, but look like you are moving your own piece and hit the opps side of the clock." That is exactly what I did, I made the takeback move as decisevly as I had made my regular move and hit his clock. I then got up and left the table myself, with nobody any the wiser. I came back later and my opponent had returned to the board and was in sort of shock that I had not moved yet because he had been gone a for a long time. Little did he know I was stalling so the other players wouldn't notice I'd be making not just 2 moves in a row, but now a actual third! I ended up winning that game and until now, nobody ever knew I had made 3 moves in a
row. First the blunder, then the takeback and then a corrected move.

name     "someone at an Olympiad in the 1960s"
from    anon
There is the great one perpetrated by someone at an Olympiad in the 1960s. Black is to move. He can play Na4 or Nc4. The latter attacks the White Queen, the former doesn't. Black plays Na4, but writes down Nc4 on his scoresheet. His opponent moves something on the other side of the board and goes for a walk. When he comes back to the board, Black has played NxQ. White protests that this is illegal, because the knight was on a4. "No it wasn't, it was on c4, look" replies Black, brandishing his scoresheet as evidence!

name     peterhead chess club (grassed up by martin burns)
from    [email protected]
I used to play for a club in aberdeen. every now and again we had to go about an hour's drive to play the most miserable bunch of old gits in the world at peterhead chess club. They would change venues at the last minute without telling you etc. The best stunt was one year, when apparently they found a nice obscure venue, set up the boards, started the clocks at the official time (of course the aberdeen club were late, as they had no idea where the place was) turned the lights out in the room, and sat in silence. somehow the visiting team managed to arrive with some time left on their clocks and won the match, as their opponents deviousness was matched only by their inability to play chess.

name    Kristo Miettinen (Rochester, New York)
email    [email protected]
I'm not sure how to classify this. Probably just a distraction, and nobody has actually complained to me (while some spectators - not opponents - have commented approvingly). I have a number of problems concentrating that make OTB play difficult for me. OK, that's an excuse.

Let me just describe my behaviour. I have a military haircut and a somewhat aggressive demeanor, and I wear weightlifting gloves.

I bring a duffel bag to the playing hall with me, containing my chess gear and two dumbells, one 40-pounder and one 50-pounder.

Once our game is underway I take out the 50-pounder on my opponent's time and begin to do bicep curls under the table. It's all out of sight, but from the strain on my face and the motion my opponent knows what I'm doing. Still, it's fairly discrete, so nobody complains.

After a few sets on each side (one set per move, always on my opponent's move) my opponent has obviously passed the point of objection and has resigned himself to my behaviour.

That's when I switch from the 50-pounder and curls to the 40-pounder and tricep extensions, which are obviously above my head and therefore much more distracting. But what is the poor guy to do, since he has already accepted his opponent's working out during a game?

For me, it actually helps my concentration, as I have nervous disorders which are alleviated by the exertion and adrenaline. For my opponents it may be another matter, though none have dared complain.

Maybe I'll add lateral lifts to my routine, though that might distract folks sitting next to me...

name    John from Edinburgh (plus the rest of his team!)
crime    'The Friendly Hosts'
This is quite a good one when you are at home in a league match, I find it works best in important matches too! Firstly, get all your guys in position on the same side of the table to start their matches, ensure that they are seated about five minutes before the clocks start and before your opponents have turned up. Then ensure copious amounts of itching powder are doused on the seats(the seats must be made of fabric otherwise it will be spotted) of your opponents. This is guaranteed to give them a very unpleasant evening. After about an hour, with your opponents itching their backsides furiously, the local 'club members' turn up to watch the games. In reality these are fellow members of the chess club, perhaps in the team above or below you, who come in and piss off the opposition to such an extent that they will probably resign. In particular I would like to mention the loud walkman, 'accidentally' tapping the opponents chairs and brushing against them as helpful in this. The crescendo comes at 10pm. If any games are ongoing, all your team members are briefed about the almighty thumping of the main door downstairs which reverberates around the entire city!
So as we are all sitting as if nothing has happened, our opponents literally jump out of their seats at 10pm exactly. In our club, this is commonly known as the Ten O'Clock gun.