Who's The Greatest - Press Box
Latest news/rumours
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Knockout Stages - Fixtures & Results
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With Capablanca crowned as the best ever chess player, debate continues to rage.
Many of Fischer's followers insist Fischer was cheated in his game against Kasparov by some bizarre decisions. A checkmate and a queen capture were disallowed and allegations of bribery and corruption still hang over the game.
Fischer himself refuses to recognise Capabanca as the best ever and considers his match win against Ireland's Boris Fitzspassky as the world championship final. His refusal to ever play again until his list of demands are met (shorter pitch, different time controls, salmon sandwiches, trouser presses etc etc) make it unlikely we will ever see him in action against the other contenders.
Arguments have also come in in favour of Kasparov who lost a bizarre game to Deep Blue. Kasparov complained that he just wasn't feeling right on the day and said "I cannot really explain what happened I just wasn't myself". Supporters of Kasparov argue that he had beaten Deep Blue on many occassions, so why should that one match be considered the once and for all deciding match?
Following the withdrawal of the entire Japanese team due to ill health, many football grandmasters are pondering how far a completely heathy Tal could have progressed.
Ex Wolverhampton Wanderers Grandmaster Steve Bull said "with Tal's mercurial talent and amazing instinct for combinations, a fully fit Tal would be the greatest player ever". And he's not the only one, International master Manchester United's Phil Neville added his support to the Tal cause saying "With his lightning pace, he's very hard to defend against, he was the strongest opponent I ever encountered. Almost impossible to deal with".
Brother Gary Neville however, voiced his support for Alekhine saying "Drink was Alekhine's problem. The minibar in his hotel room effectively finished off the Frenchman's challenge. The surprise exit of the former world champion at such a ridiculously early stage just shows that things were not right in the French camp. If Alekhine had kept to his plan of only drinking milk, he would have proved he is by far the best ever."
So you may believe that the best ever player is Capablanca or you might be convinced by Fischer's arguments. Although Fischer never played Deep Blue so we could still argue that Deep Blue is the best. As we have seen, many people support Tal but many others support Alekhine. One strong favourite is still Kasparov as his one defeat by Deep Blue not considered convincing proof of the machine's superiority.
So Pawnpusher is proud to announce that the greatest ever player is...
Capablanca!
or Fischer!
or Kasparov
or Deep Blue
or Alekhine
or Tal
or ...............................(insert name here)
June 30th 2002 - Capablanca/Brazil 2 Deep Blue/Germany 0
World cup final report
Apologies - this final report was delayed due to Pawnpusher being on a World cup fact finding mission at Glastonbury (a possible venue for 2006).
Capablanca today proved he is the world's best ever chess player by defeating the German Deep Blue in the World cup final.
In the man vs machine showdown, Deep Blue put up an exceptionally strong fight and went close on a few occassions to going ahead. However it was the Cubrazillians endgame mastery that won the day, going a piece up on 67 moves then fiinally sealing Deep Blue's fate by another capture on the 79th move.
The Golden boot was also settled, Pele was the guest of honour who was chosen to award the trophy.
In the dying minutes Pele called round at Buffy's appartment with the trophy. Pele was seen leaving 1 minute 45 seconds later, minus the trophy and with his bow tie slightly askew. A beaming Pele told reporters, "yes it's true, Buffy has just won the Golden boot award 5-4 over Britney Spears, I've just been in and given it to her. And the award as well, ooh no missus, don't, nay nay and thrice nay."
June 26th 2002 - Petrosian/Turkey 0 Capablanca/Brazil 1
The Cubrazilian maestro Jose Raul Capablanca eased past a determined Petrosian to claim a place in the final. Petrosian surprised everyone by giving Capablanca an extremely tough game in what many pundits thought would be an easy victory.
The only difference between the two sides was a single spark of Cubrazillian magic when Capa skipped through the Turkey defence and slotted a pawn to the eight rank. Despite a fierce counterattack by Petrosian, Capa once again showed his endgame mastery and held out during the 4 minute allegro finish to clinch the win.
Petrosian was philosophical in defeat saying: "According to the nature of truth-operations, in the same way as out of elementary propositions arise their truth-functions, from truth-functions arises a new one. Every truth-operation creates from truth-functions of elementary propositions, another truth-function of elementary propositions i.e. a proposition"
Brazil: Ronald, Ronaldo, Ronaldino, Rivald, Rivaldo, Rivaldino,
Gilberto Sullivan, Richardo, Richardino, Keith Richards, Cliff Richard
Turkey: Hashish, Hookah, Tugger, Bastard, Omay Khayam, Victor Khayam,
Khalil Gibrahn, Kayak, Minaret, Bernard Matthews, William Hayes.
The World Cup Final preview
The final of the chess world cup promises to be a Man vs Machine spectacular!
Capablanca becomes the champion of mankind as he goes into a showdown against the mighty Deep Blue.
This is a match made in heaven for all headline writers: Capablanca, the pinnacle of human genius against Deep Blue, the strongest supercomputer that technology has been able to create.
I caught up with Capablanca by the hotel swimming pool, he appeared very relaxed and I found him lying face down on his sunlounger having his back rubbed by Buffy the Vampire slayer. "I'm looking forward to the game very much. Unhhh! a little lower darling" said Capablanca "although technically I'm now officially the greatest human chessplayer ever as my opponent in the final is actually a machine! But I intend to win on Sunday just to make sure. And by the way, unnnhhh! that's good baby, its 4-4 in the Golden boot if you know what I mean."
Deep Blue, a close friend of Capablanca was also resting by the pool.
Deep Blue played down the Man vs Machine aspect saying "I have enormous respect for Capablanca, whatever the result, we'll still remain friends after the game however
until....then....I...will....crush...the....puny....earthling......exterminate!!!...exterminate!!!"
joked Deep Blue.
June 25th 2002 - Deep Blue/Germany 1 Kasparov/South Korea 0
No amount of wristwatch shennanigans could rescue Kasparov today as Deep Blue did what it does best, nullifying any attacks and converting the only chance in a dissapointing game for neutral spectators. Kasparov threw everything he had at the ice cold supercompter but eventually just ran out of ideas. Deep Blue just about deserved the win, but will have to produce more to have any chance in the final if, as is expected, a fizzing Capablanca turns over Petrosian tomorrow.
June 24th 2002 - Is Fischer the best ever?
Controversy surrounds the result of the Fischer/Kasparov match, with Spain's Bobby Fischer launching a scathing attack on the arbiters, accusing them of bribery and corruption and demanding an official enquiry.
"This tournament has been blighted by some of the most appalling decisions I have ever witnessed, the standard of refereeing here is just a joke" said Bobby.
Egyptian referee Howmuch Bakhanda controversially ruled out a checkmate by Fischer arguing he couldn't play Q*f7 mate because there was a knight in the way on the f6 square. Expert analysis of footage from the game suggests that the knight may in fact be on the g6 square thus making the checkmate a perfectly legal move.
Later on Fischer had a queen capture disallowed as the arbiter ruled that it wasn't his turn to move. Despite Spain's protests, the decision was allowed to stand although a convincing case has been made by Chess experts that suggests it was indeed Fischer's go.
Fischer remains convinced "This tournament was deliberately rigged against me. I am the true world champion, I am the best ever. My win over Spassky is the only result I will recognise. I do not accept the result of this shambles of a match. I will not play in this tournament again."
Newsgroups around the world are filling up with claims from sad american teenagers ranting on about how Fischer is the best ever player and what would happen in a proper match against Kasparov or Deep Blue .......
Deep Blue/Britney Spears
The romance between Deep Blue and Britney Spears is over. A tearful Britney said "It was a big mistake, he hardly ever spoke, he never took me out anywhere, its over and I never want to see him again". Britney's manager took a more pragmatic approach saying "It simply wasn't working out. Britney is a very active, lively lady who likes to get out and about but Deep Blue couldn't go any further than his power cable could stretch to." Britney's manager also insisted the relationship had remained strictly platonic saying "Assuming Britney did invite deep blue up to her room, he could never go due to the power cable problem. Also, Britney is in the penthouse suite and Deep Blue is too big to get in the lift, as well as being much heavier than the 8 persons limit".
But what seemed to finish off the doomed relationship was the one night when Deep Blue was fitted with a mobile battery pack and the couple attended an exclusive nightclub. Deep Blue hardly danced at all.
Britney's manager said "Yeah, Britney's a cool mover but all Deep Blue did was roll forward and backwards a little bit. He's a great guy but he's just wrong for the fun loving image we are trying to project for Britney".
An upbeat Deep Blue said "I can appreciate her management didn't think me suitable for Britney's image. I can understand the position she's in, after all I can analyse 5 million positions a second" he quipped.
Deep Blue also scotched rumours of a romance saying "It was never anything more than friendship, apart from everything else, our interfaces are incompatible".
The golden boot remains at 4-3 to Britney.(source, Neil Coward)
June 23rd 2002 - Semi Final Preview
Although the Fischer/Kasparov question has now been decided, we still have not found who is the greatest ever. There is Brazil's Capablanca who has eased into the last four and Germany's Deep Blue; surely no one can argue with the pedigree of these players and their claim to be the best ever.
But could there be an upset? Yesterday Petrosian put out the young pretender Ponormariov. Could it be that Petrosian is the best ever? Some fans may argue that his defeat by Fischer in the 1970 World championships qualifiers should put Petrosian out of the reckoning. However they seem to forget that Petrosian has shown his class by beating Rubenstein and Tal during this tournament. Although he lost to Capablanca, Petrosian quickly bounced back, scoring a creditable draw with David Hasselhoff. Dare I suggest the winner of the title of greatest ever may come from this unexpected quarter whilst all eyes are on Kasparov, Capablanca and Deep Blue? (source, Neil Coward)
Chess fans the world over are looking forward to the Deep Blue/Kasparov rematch. Can the precise but flair-free metal box deal with a quick thinking and energetic Kasparov on current form?
June 22nd 2002 - Petrosian/Turkey 1 Ponomariov/Senegal 0
Petrosian finally ended the unexpected title challenge of Senegal's Ponomariov and set up a rematch with Capablanca in the semis. Ponomariov, showing little of the invention and sheer energy of his earlier play in the tournament, was put under constant pressure, and eventually his defences cracked.
Kasparov/South Korea 0 (3 pens) vs Spain/Fischer 0 (5 pens)
Pawnpusher is proud to announce that chess history was made today!
For years chess players have been arguing over who was the greatest ever, and two of the names to the very forefront of this argument have been Bobby Fischer and Garry Kasparov. Was Bobby the greatest of all time, or has Garry Kasparov surpassed him?
Today this question was finally answered once and for all!
When Spanish midfielder Joaquin took an overly casual approach to his penalty which allowed Korean keeper Lee Woon-Jae to make an easy save it showed for the first time the possibility of a slight weakness in Fischer's game. Hong Myung-Bo, the Korean soccer hero finally laid the question to rest as he blasted in a penalty which finally proved Kasparov's supremacy beyond all doubt. (source, Neil Coward)
True to form, Fischer complained bitterly, pointing out 2 controller decisions which he believes cost him the game. Twice Fischer seemed to legitimately win a piece, only for the arbiter to step in, carrying a dusty book of arcane and virtually unknown FIDE laws, and rule the capture illegal. Both he and Morphy are now claiming the tournament is rigged in Kasparov's favour.
June 21st 2002 - Capablanca/Brazil 2 Bronstein/England 1
Capablanca has cruised into the semi finals in style after a lacklustre performance from the British bulldog soviet David Bronstein. Capablanca didn't have it all his own way though, and it looked like an upset was on the cards after a mistake in Capablanca's defence let in a white knight which calmly stroked a piece back in the box.
Bronstein then did nothing much after that and it was no surprise when the Cubrazilian master struck back with a tactic just before the half time oranges.
In the second time control, tragedy struck for Bronstein. Capa spotted the king was slightly out of place on g2 and played a marvellous long range tactic, a bishop check from c6 which put the Brazilian ahead. It was a manificent and completely unexpected move by the Brazilian Cuban to lob Seaman from 30 yards.
Later in the game, Capa uncorked a fine positional piece sacrifice and despite being a piece up, Bronstein could find no way to utilise his extra man.
Four minutes of extra time were to no avail as Capa showed his mastery of the endgame, taking his pieces into the corner and keeping possession of the squares until Bronstein's flag fell. (source, Neil Coward)
Some pundits said Bronstein's heavy schedule of weekend congresses had left him worn out and unable to lift his game, others said faulty air-conditioning in the venue suited Capa better.
Back home in England, where up to this point sales of beer and condoms had soared, local doctors reported a sudden steep rise in the number of desperate people phoning in asking why their cross of St George facial tattoos wouldn't wash off.
Deep Blue/Germany 1 Khalifman/USA 0
Deep Blue slid into a semi-final spot with a narrow win over a spirited Khalifman. The super-computer again failed to impress, but did just enough, winning a pawn in the middlegame and holding on to it till the finish through dogged defence.
5-3 to Britney?
The identity of Britney Spears's latest squeeze has surprised everyone.
The strong, smooth, sleek, angular hunk on her arm was none other than Germany's Deep Blue.
"I'm very much in love" said Britney "he's everything a woman wants. He's the strong silent type, completely tireless and he's always there for me day or night". Deep Blue refused to be drawn on this issue by reporters and just sat there humming quietly to itself. (source, Neil Coward)
South Africa vs Costa Rica
Buffy the vampire slayer has been 'slayed' once again by Costa Rica's David Hasslehoff. "I know I am out of the tournament and this won't count for the golden boot" said Hasselhoff. The Springbok Buffy added "We both fancied a rematch, this is just a friendly"
June 20th 2002 - The Calm Before The Storm
With the world cup now down to 8 players at least 7 of them are relaxing prior to the resumption of hostilies in the quarter finals. It is no surprise that the other player is Spain's Bobby Fischer.
Bobby was returned to his hotel by limousine, following the settling of his latest differences with the organisers, to find his Corby trouser press installed, as promised, in his room . A catastrophic mistake was spotted at the last minute when it was realised only a Pants Presser 3300 model had been installed. The ashen faced hotel manager quickly dialled the Corby trouser press 24 hour emergency hotline on the insistance of the President of FIDE and a top of the range Pants Presser 7700 model was flown in and installed with only minutes to spare before the Spaniard's return.
Oblivious to all the furore, Bobby was very pleased with the arrangements and spent the next few days getting acquainted with the controls of the machine.
This morning to a packed press conference Bobby announced that he had made 'substantial improvements' to controls of the Trouser Press and he wanted to announce the arrival of the 'Fischer trouser press'. "The essential difference is time" said Fischer "Each pair of trousers gets 5 seconds added per crease, no matter how many creases, rather than the old system of a limited amount of time for the entire press" He added, "This way, even the most creased trousers are pressed to perfection with no time scrambles for the hurried businessman who only has a minute or two to get his pants on before attending a board meeting". Bobby then opened up a letter which was the letter of congratuations on purchasing the Corby 7700 that was enclosed with the machine. He held it up in front of the world's media and spat on it. "Trouser pressing is dead" said Fischer "This new system is the only way forward. All I want to do, ever, is press trousers". (source, Neil Coward)
June 18th 2002 - South Korea/Kasparov 2 Italy/Morphy 1
Kasparov has put the much fancied Paul Morphy out of the tournament but it was not without a fierce struggle. Bizarrely, Kasparov left a piece en prise but Morphy missed it, much to the anguish of the Italian fans.
Later, after a fierce flurry of tactics, it was Italy's Paul Morphy who took the lead. Whilst being a piece up has been enough for Morphy to win in the past it wasn't enough against Kasparov and the razor sharp South Korean took advantage of Morphy's over confident attitute and equalised thus forcing the game past the first time control.
This seemed to rattle Morphy who was unequipped to deal with such a fierce fightback and the Italian lost a piece following an illegal move. With Morphy now down to 15 men, Kasparov struck with a golden tactic which won the game. (source, Neil Coward)
After the game, a furious Morphy stomped around in an almighty tantrum, calling everyone from the controller to the tea-lady a cheat. He then discovered that his own board and clock were made in Korea, and lobbed both out of his hotel window.
Turkey/Petrosian 1 Tal/Japan 0
The unfancied Petrosian made the last 8, converting a slender pawn advantage into an endgame win against a lively but toothless Tal. He now faces tournament surprise package Ponomariov in the quarter finals.
Next round...
The next round is the match that everyone has been waiting for Kasparov vs Spain's Bobby Fischer. We tracked Bobby Fischer down at the airport (again). He was withdrawing from the tournament in protest at the result of the Tal/Petrosian Japan/Turkey match. Fischer insisted this was a fixed match, prearranged by the 'commie cheats'. With the prospect of a match with the great Gary Kasparov and the organisers promise to double his appearance money Fischer agreed to negotiate. The arbiters also agreed to consider Fischer's suggestion that the games be reduced to 89 minutes and 30 seconds instead of 90 minutes but it was the promise that a new trouser press would be installed in his hotel room that finally tempted Fischer back to the tournament. (source, Neil Coward)
Totty for Totti?
Latest rumours are that Buffy has struck back at Britney Spears, bringing the golden boot score to 4-3 as she has recently been sighted with Francesco Totti following Italy's shock exit from the tournament. (source, Neil Coward)
June 17th 2002 - Bing Crosby/Mexico 0 v Khalifman/USA 2
In the "cool cool cool of the evening" here in Osaka, Bing Crosby's "Road to Japan" came to an end as Khalifman sent the pipe smoking crooner out of the tournament. "I've enjoyed it all immensely said a good humoured Bing "Golf is my preferred sport and the invitation to play in the World cup came right out of the blue. I think I've surprised a few people. Its very flattering to find out I'm one of the top 16 best chess players ever! Yes, the tournament has been great I've had some "magic moments" he quipped.
Bing's game plan was simple but it nearly worked, his plan was to sing Khalifman to sleep. Bing "boo boo boo boomed" in his rich sonorous tones but it didn't stop Khalifman firing the USA ahead after only 8 minutes. Bing then switched to some golfing anecdotes and this seemed to work as Khalifman was held until he final doubled his lead on the 68th move.
Asked about his performance Bing said "You've got to accentuate the positive,
Eliminate the negative, Latch on to the affirmative Don't mess with Mister In-Between" Many fans have certainly enjoyed seeing Bing here and he revelled in the adulation saying "You've got to spread joy up to the maximum, Bring gloom down to the minimum, Have faith or pandemonium is liable to walk upon the scene". Bing then tilted his hat at a jaunty angle, thrust his hands in his trouser pockets and casually strolled off, whistling. (source, Neil Coward)
Capablanca/Brazil 2 v Euwe/Belgium 0
Bookies favourite Capa seemed more interested in posing than playing chess, and only Euwe's inability to hit a cow's arse with a barn door saved him from a shock exit.
Capa, clearly wearing make-up, spent most of the game striking smooth-but-serious poses and casting smouldering gazes towards the massed ranks of cameramen and press. Euwe made chance after chance but failed to convert his advantage. The slick Cubrazillian eventually decided to participate, and two quick cheapos in the endgame clinched the win.
June 16th 2002 - Ponomariov/Senegal 2 v Smyslov/Sweden 1
Another fantastic effort from young upstart Ponomariov who snuffed out most of Smyslov's dangerous attacks and launched his own lightning raids. The game went into a second session before Pono found a spectacular winning combo.
Fischer/Spain 1 (pen 3) v Spassky/Ireland 1 (pen 2)
The game was delayed by several hours as the organisers rushed to meet Fischer's demand that the 50,000 strong crowd be arranged in height order.
Fischer struggled into the last eight despite a blistering opening where it seemed his old rival and friend Spassky would surely crumble.
Fischer took the advantage by the middlegame, thanks to some sloppy defence, but Spassky somehow found reserves of energy and clawed his way back into contention. The American Spaniard didn't help his own cause when he swapped off his best two attacking pieces (a 'magic' knight and bishop). The game was drawn, so the match was finally settled by a single game of blitz.
June 15th 2002 - Bronstein/England 3 v Lasker/Denmark 0
Bronstein charged into the last eight with a dramatic opening novelty that netted three of Lasker's pieces before the German Dane had even warmed his seat. Lasker brought along 2 tattoed skinhead minders who stared menacingly at Bronstein throughout the game, cracking their knuckles and growling, but Bronstein wasn't phased and coolly executed his plan.
Deep Blue/Germany 1 Anderssen/Paraguay 0
Deep Blue won this dreary contest to secure a place in the quarter finals. The dour Anderssen showed even less flair and imagination than soul-destroying number cruncher Blue, his only tactic of interest being a tendency to bring his king out for free-kicks. Deep Blue won it late, using his comprehensive endgame database to send Anderssen packing.
More romance for Britney?
With Stuanton and Britney Spears the two non qualifiers from Group H, whilst Tal and Euwe go through, it was no surprise to find Britney and Staunton turning to each other for comfort. The night after the final game, Staunton gave Spears a thorough comforting in his room, then at 3am he phoned room service for two pizzas and then comforted her some more.
Spears is now 4-2 ahead of Buffy in the Golden boot award. Buffy has been quoted as saying "I still plan to stick around, its not over yet and there is still a lot to play for". Brazil's latino lover Capablanca is hotly tipped to be her next opponent. (source, Neil Coward)
Capablanca is now also firm favourite to win the tournament, but will his tendency to show off be his undoing?
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Group Stage Final Tables
(position/team/points) - teams in yellow go through - teams in red eliminated |
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Group A
1 Denmark/Lasker 7 2 Senegal/Ponomariov 5 3 Uruguay/Anand 2 4 France/Alekhine 1 |
Group B
1 Spain/Fischer 9 2 Paraguay/Anderssen 4 3 South Africa/Buffy 4 4 Slovenia/Botvinnik 0 |
Group C
1 Brazil/Capablanca 9 2 Turkey/Petrosian 4 3 Costa Rica/Hasselhoff 4 4 China/Rubinstein 0 |
Group D
1 South Korea/Kasparov 7 2 United States/Khalifman 4 3 Portugal/Keres 3 4 Poland/Korchnoi 3 |
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Group E
1 Germany/Deep Blue 7 2 Ireland/Spassky 5 3 Cameroon/Shirov 4 4 Saudi Arabia/Kramnik 0 |
Group F
1 Sweden/Smyslov 5 2 England/Bronstein 5 3 Argentina/Karpov 4 4 Nigeria/Mother Teresa 1 |
Group G
1 Mexico/Bing Crosby 7 2 Italy/Morphy 4 3 Croatia/Steinitz 3 4 Ecuador/Nimzowitsch 3 |
Group H
1 Japan/Tal 7 2 Belgium/Euwe 5 3 Russia/Staunton 3 4 Tunisia/Britney Spears 1 |
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Group Stage Results
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Group A
France/Alekhine 0 - 1 Senegal/Ponomariov Uruguay/Anand 1 - 2 Denmark/Lasker Denmark/Lasker 1 - 1 Senegal/Ponomariov France/Alekhine 0 - 0 Uruguay/Anand Denmark/Lasker 2 - 0 France/Alekhine Senegal/Ponomariov 3 - 3 Uruguay/Anand |
Group B
Paraguay/Anderssen 2 - 2 South Africa/Buffy Spain/Fischer 3 - 1 Slovenia/Botvinnik Spain/Fischer 3 - 1 Paraguay/Anderssen South Africa/Buffy 1 - 0 Slovenia/Botvinnik Slovenia/Botvinnik 1 - 3 Paraguay/Anderssen South Africa/Buffy 2 - 3 Spain/Fischer |
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Group C
Brazil/Capablanca 2 - 1 Turkey/Petrosian China/Rubinstein 0 - 2 Costa Rica/Hasselhoff Brazil/Capablanca 4 - 0 China/Rubinstein Costa Rica/Hasselhoff 1 - 1 Turkey/Petrosian Costa Rica/Hasselhoff 2 - 5 Brazil/Capablanca Turkey/Petrosian 3 - 0 China/Rubinstein |
Group D
South Korea/Kasparov 2 - 0 Poland/Korchnoi USA/Khalifman 3 - 2 Portugal/Keres South Korea/Kasparov 1 - 1 USA/Khalifman Portugal/Keres 4 - 0 Poland/Korchnoi Poland/Korchnoi 3 - 1 USA/Khalifman Portugal/Keres 0 - 1 South Korea/Kasparov |
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Group E
Rep of Ireland/Spassky 1 - 1 Cameroon/Shirov Germany/Deep Blue 8 - 0 Saudi Arabia/Kramnik Germany/Deep Blue 1 - 1 Rep of Ireland/Spassky Cameroon/Shirov 1 - 0 Saudi Arabia/Kramnik Cameroon/Shirov 0 - 2 Germany/Deep Blue Saudi Arabia/Kramnik 0 - 3 Rep of Ireland/Spassky |
Group F
Argentina/Karpov 1 - 0 Nigeria/Mother Teresa England/Bronstein 1 - 1 Sweden/Smyslov Sweden/Smyslov 2 - 1 Nigeria/Mother Teresa Argentina/Karpov 0 - 1 England/Bronstein Nigeria/Mother Teresa 0 - 0 England/Bronstein Sweden/Smyslov 1 - 1 Argentina/Karpov |
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Group G
Croatia/Steinitz 0 - 1 Mexico/Bing Crosby Italy/Morphy 2 - 0 Ecuador/Nimzowitsch Italy/Morphy 1 - 2 Croatia/Steinitz Mexico/Bing Crosby 2 - 1 Ecuador/Nimzowitsch Ecuador/Nimzowitsch 1 - 0 Croatia/Steinitz Mexico/Bing Crosby 1 - 1 Italy/Morphy |
Group H
Japan/Tal 2 - 2 Belgium/Euwe Russia/Staunton 2 - 0 Tunisia/Britney Spears Japan/Tal 1 - 0 Russia/Staunton Tunisia/Britney Spears 1 - 1 Belgium/Euwe Belgium/Euwe 3 - 2 Russia/Staunton Tunisia/Britney Spears 0 - 2 Japan/Tal |
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***STOP PRESS**** Pawnpusher has decided not to redraw the player/team combos after the group stages. This is down to 3 factors: 1 - Anybody has a chance already because the top teams are playing badly in general, and the 2 favourites have already gone out. 2 - If we leave it as is, we get a Fischer/Spassky rematch (a sign?) 3 - It messes up my girlfriend's customised wallchart |
June 13th 2002 - Capablanca/Brazil 5 Hasselhoff/CostaRica 2
Capablanca stormed into the final 16 with a perfect record in his qualifying group. Hasselhoff did find some weaknesses in the Brazilian Cuban's defence but Capablanca's fine attacking play more than compensated as he hammered 5 past the Costa Rican sex god. Hasselhoff had difficulty in goal, with his movement restricted by his tight leather pants and weighed down by a chunky gold medallion.
Although he gifted Brazil's fourth goal as Capa only had to roll the ball into an empty net whilst Hasselhoff was at the corner flag chatting up a bevy of stunning Brazilian women. Hasselhoff was winking and, blowing kisses to more Brazilian females as Capa blasted in the fifth goal. Pundits agree that Hasselhoff seemed to be more concerned with looking good than winning the match. Capablanca agreed saying "Yes, the Cuban heels did slow him down and make things easier for me but I was
pleased with my attacking play today"
At the end of the game Hasselhoff wished Capa all the best for the future tournament
"He outplayed me, which is what I expected from a former world champion, but to be honest I came here for the girls rather than the chess" The two men shook hands and Hasselhoff left, surrounded by a small crowd of stunning Brazilian women fans "I think I'll manage to put 5 past Brazil tonight!" he quipped, before spotting our blonde reporter and asking
"Hey honey, what's Brazil famous for?..." (source, Neil Coward)
Mexico/Bing Crosby 1 Italy/Morphy 1
Morphy settled for a grandmaster draw with laid-back smoothie Bing, and this was enough to see the ladies shoe fetishist into the next round. Because both knew they were already through, due to Steinitz surprising loss to Nimzowitsch, Bing spent the last 4 minutes strolling about whistling "Don't fence me in", while Morphy whipped out a sun-lounger and read the paper.
The next stages
The plum tie of the next round will be the rematch between Fischer and Spassky but it is already not without controversy.
Fischer was at the airport ready to return home when he heard the news.
Apparently he had rung for room service at his hotel 3am and asked for Salmon sandwiches. The deputy manager told him they had no salmon but he would have tuna and mayonaisse. Fischer told him this was not good enough and demanded to speak to the manager. The manager confirmed there was no salmon but offered to put one of his prize winning coy carp onto a butty for Fischer. Fischer agreed but it took an hours for the manager to drive home, kill the fish, prepare the sandwich and drive back. Added to this, the crusts weren't cut off. This was the final straw for Fischer who immediately packed a bag and left for the airport. It was only when he was informed that his opponent in the next round would be his old friend Boris Spassky, and the mouth watering prospect of a rematch that Fischer relented and agreed to return to the tournament.
The two friends met later and Spassky sportingly did the hungry Fischer a cheese and tomato butty, although Fischer prefers brown bread and it was on white, he let it pass. (source, Neil Coward)
June 11th/12th 2002 - Denmark/Lasker 2 France/Alekhine 0
A big favourite for the trophy, the defending champion, France's Alexander Alekhine was sent crashing out of the tournament after being defeated by Lasker. This is one of the biggest shocks of the tournament so far but Alekhine was philosophical. The French Russian said later "Zut alors! I have not managed to capture wan seengle piece during za tournament so I don't deserve to progress any furzur. Ah am not making excuzez but that friendly match wiz Tal certainly did me no faveurs".
England/Bronstein 0 Nigeria/Mother Teresa 0
Bronstein played out a dull draw against Mother Teresa. Bronstein was unable to find anything like his best form due to the 94% heat on the pitch/a headache/flat feet/Mother Teresa 'not playing properly'(delete as applicable). Mother Thersa played solidly, unaffected by the heat due to her years in Calcutta, and closed Bronstein down at every turn. It earned the strongly favoured future Saint a respectable point from the competition.
She will be accompanied home by Karpov, another shock exit, sent out by fellow Russian, Sweden's Vladimir Smyslov. "It was a close run thing, but it was bloody near, for Vladimir" quipped Karpov. The greasy haired loser will be also be accompanied by Anand on the plane home.
England: Seaman, Ferdinand, Campbell, Cole, Pew, Pew, Barney McGrew, Cuthbert (capt), Dibble,Grub, Owen
Subs not used: Windy Miller
Nigeria: Vincent Enema, Joseph Yobbo, Isaac Orinoco Flow, Ifeanyi Uzi, Efetobore Sod you, Justice Christopher Robin, Jay-Jay Ococacola (capt), James Obidiah, Julius Arghaspider, Benedict Akqueerbum, Femi Openabunny.
Subs Not Used: Katanga, Ungawa, N'Koko, N'Teanosugar, N'omorenamesplease
Spain/Fischer 3 South Africa/Buffy 2
Buffy the Vampire slayer was edged out of a qualifying place by an unstoppable Bobby Fischer. Bobby finished top of his group with a 100% record but Buffy put up a tremendous fight. Twice the former world champion went ahead but twice the acrobatic teenager fought back with some skillful manouvres. But a rampant Fischer wore Buffy down and in the last ten minutes a bad mis-stake left her open and Bobby rammed home
his advantage. Buffy does peg Britney Spears back to 3-2 in the Golden boot award though. Buffy was gracious in defeat saying "I find Bobby very hard to play against, the fact that he isn't a vampire makes it much more difficult for me. I would have gone further in the tournament if I had been drawn against Transylvania or somewhere like that."
Paraguay 3 Slovenia 1
There was yet another upset as the Paraguayan Anderssen easily outplayed Botvinnik to claim the second place in the group.
Botvinnik seemed to have the game sewn up when Anderssen's rook was sent off, leaving him down to 15 men. However Botvinnik was caught out with a couple of cheapoes that were well known in 1830 when Anderssen was at his peak but which are forgotten by today's players. The big German went crazy on hearing the final whistle and brought the cheering crowd to their feet as he flick flacked the length of the playing hall and finished with a somersault. (source, Neil Coward)
June 10th 2002 - Kasparov(S.Korea) and Khalifman(yoo-ess-ay) fought out a frantic, but ultimately drawn encounter. In front of a manic home crowd (Kasparov's mum) surprise package Khalifman took a deserved early lead and had the beast of Baku well and truly rattled. Kasparov rallied with waves of swift incisive attack, and was unlucky not to scoop the 3 points.
Keres(Portugal) stuffed old duffer Korchnoi(Poland) on a waterlogged board. Keres pulled off the first hat trick of this world cup in a magnificent display. Three pieces were captured on three consecutive moves and there was no way back for Korchnoi after that. There was not even a consolation recapture for Poland and Keres even compounded his misery later on by winning a fourth piece.
Tunisia 1 Belgium 1
Possibly the biggest surprise of the World cup so far is the amazing draw by Britney Spears against ex world champion Max Euwe. With her high powered dance routines and skimpy costumes Britney was not only much fitter but also much cooler during their match in the stifling heat and 95% humidity in Oita's Big Eye stadium.
Despite going a piece down early on, Britney struck back with a stunning tactic and levelled the game. A fierce battle ensued but it was the ageing bespectacled Euwe that began to wilt under the intense heat and humidity. Experts had suggested that fitness might be a problem for Euwe whose last pop video was a brief appearance as a dancer in 1992 for Take That. Britney's greater experience and fitness paid dividends as she cruised to an easy draw without even breaking sweat (sponsored by Arid Extra Dry). (source, Neil Coward)
June 9th 2002 - Dark horse Bing Crosby (Mexico)secured full points from the first 2 games by coming from material behind to mate Nimzowitsch's plucky but half-baked Ecuador. But can the shiny-headed crooner go all the way?
Japan 1 Russia 0
Following Russias surprise defeat at the hands of Japan's Mikhail Tal, Howard Stuanton went on a rampage in the city leaving two dead and many others injured. Three of the injured are in a serious condition. In all about 50 people were hospitalised, 20 of them police officers.
Politicians blamed the events on poor planning by the local authorities.
"Everywhere in the world where Grandmasters go on rampages, the police thoroughly prepare for it," said liberal deputy Sergei Mitrokhin. "But here the organizers of this event were just irresponsible and totally unprepared and unequipped to deal with Mr Staunton".
Howard Staunton will now face a severe reprimand and a possible fine of anything up to £100. (source, Neil Coward)
June 8th 2002 - Buffy's South Africans sent Botvinnik's Slovenians crashing out of the tournament. The game was so tedious that no-one can actually recall it ever happening, but the result gives Buffy a real chance of qualification.
Capablanca (Brazil) put on an exhibition match against a battling but outclassed Rubinstein (China), eliminating him from the tournament.
June 7th 2002 - Great positional win for Bronstein over Karpov today! Karpov's usual, and devious, tactics were not enough to beat his confident positional style :) (source, Richard Howitt)
Bronstein's win caused massive celebrations in his adopted country, and he was instantly awarded a knighthood (and a small island in the South Atlantic, for some reason?)
Smyslov's Swedes got Mother Teresa's Nigerian nuns on the run, right out of the tournament!
June 6th 2002 - Spain/Fischer vs Paraguay/Anderssen
Fischer threatens to withdraw from the tournament when his demand that the pitch be shortened by 5cm is refused and his complaint about the Russians agreeing short draws is ignored. Only last minute intervention by Henry Kissinger persuaded Spain to stay and play on.
Bobby was deemed the overwhelming favourite for the game but seemed out of sorts. Anderssen uncorked a dodgy opening straight from the 19th century and Bobby scored a bizarre own goal, leaving a piece en prise and so going a piece down early on. More pressure from Anderssen and it was only a vital block on the 35th move that stopped the Paraguan German doubling his lead.
At this point Fischer complained bitterly about the shape of one of his knights and a substitue was brought on for the second 45 moves. This seemed to do the trick as within 8 moves Spain were level, and further pressure put them ahead. The game was effectively over as a contest on the 81st move when Anderssen left a knight hanging on e6. He soon paid the penalty as Fischer's rook stepped up to take it.
Fischer has stamped his authority on this tournament by becoming the first player through to the last sixteen. With one game left to play, only Buffy the Vampire slayer standing between Fischer and a 100% record in his qualifying group. Newsgroups all over the world are full to bursting with sad American teenagers ranting on about how Fischer can beat Deep Blue, Kasparov, the Cameroons etc etc etc.
Hasselhoff scores a double
Rumours abound that Costa Rica's David Hasselhoff had netted both Britney Spears and Buffy the Vampire slayer in his jacuzzi. Some reports even suggest simultaneously! Britney had previously been linked with Steinitz and David Seaman. Her latest acquisition gives her a 3 to 1 lead over Buffy in the Golden boot award.
Alekhine vs Tal friendly match
The drinking competition between Alekhine and Tal was adjudged to be a draw.
Alekhine was found with his head down the bog being uncontrollably sick but Tal was unable to be informed of his victory as he was asleep on the floor with his head in a big puddle of beer. Alekhine's seconds successfully argued that Tal had drank himself unconscious and so was equally as incapable as Alekhine, and so the arbiters awarded a draw. The next day the two pasty faced men were informed of the decision but there were no celebrations, reporters were asked to keep their voices down as the men both had splitting headaches. (source, Neil Coward)
June 3rd 2002 - David Hasslehoff shares the lead in group C with Capablanca after he comfortably beat Rubenstein's Chinese. Rubenstein seemed to gain the advantage in the opening flurry but his attack proved toothless. Hasslehoff grew in confidence, going topless bar medallion and strutting around in leather pants, and it was no suprise when he pulled off two killer combos to take the points.
Kasparov proved the doom-sayers wrong by stomping on Korchnoi's one-dimensional Polish attack. Korchnoi spent the game laying transparent cheapos, which Kasparov side-stepped easily. Kasparov, with the home support behind him (a first), brushed the increasingly desperate Korchnoi aside and claimed the spoils.
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"I would like to study the chess moves of Britney Spears but am unable to find any of her PGN game collections. I find that some of her non chess moves are excellent combinations. Her openings are often wild and provacative. In the middlegame she tends to leave her pieces uncovered - a style that is risky but stimulating. Tight pants make her endgame a thing of beauty. Ted Vergith |
June 2nd 2002 - Karpov and Argentina eased past Mother Teresa and Nigeria with an impressive, if unspectacular, display. MT had plenty of space early on but never generated a real attack. Karpov's quality in all parts of the game finally proved too much for the plucky nun.
Lasker (Denmark) won an attractive game against Anand (Uruguay). The game was a real end-to-end affair with plenty of chances on both sides, but Lasker showed unexpected flair and grit to prevail over a skillful Anand.
Fischer (Spain) strolled to a comfortable win against Botvinnik (Slovenia). Botvinnik started the game well, closing Fischer down and counter-attacking, but Fischer stepped up a gear in the middlegame and got in behind Botvinnik's pawns.
A shock in group B as Anderssen (Paraguay) let an easy win against Buffy (South Africa) slip into a draw. The big Prussian dominated till the late middlegame, winning 2 exchanges and looking comfortable. Then he made the fatal error of sitting back and waiting for the win. Buffy, showing her customary spirit against the odds, kept battling away, and drew level on material to force a drawn endgame.
Capablanca and Petrosian (Brazil/Turkey) played out the most entertaining game so far. Capablanca, looking as rusty as you'd expect after being dead for sixty years, had a shaky opening, giving a nippy Petrosian an early material lead. Slowly Capa found his feet and by the middlegame he was starting to look like his awesome old self again. Capa eventually triumphed, and despite the lingering suspiscion that he plays moves because they 'look good' rather than any solid tactical plan, and his defence is suspect, he should breeze through the group.
June 1st 2002 - David Bronstein got England's world cup campaign off to a flying start with an early tactic against Smyslov. With a bishop on f3 playing him onside Bronstein rose majestically and headed home from close range.
After that England seemed to sit on their lead and let Smyslov back into the game, careless play from Bronstein allowed Smyslov a manoeuvre that enabled Sweden to claim a draw by repetition.
Spain's Bobby Fischer has already lodged a formal protest about the Russians deliberately agreeing short draws with each other.
England: Seaman, Mills, Ashley Cole, Bishop, Queen, King, Beckham, Scholes, Rook,
pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, Heskey
Sweden: Svennson, Svennson, Svennson, Svennson, Svennson, Svennson,
Svensson, Svennson, Svennson, Svennson, Svennson
Subs Not Used: Svennson, Svennson, Svennson (source, Neil Coward)
Spassky and Shirov (Ireland/Cameroon) played out a tense draw. Shirov looked fitter and classier in the opening, and went a pawn up. But Spassky drew on his legendary reserves of energy, changed his style mid-way and slogged his way back into the contest.
June 1st 2002 - Britney's face covered by Seamen!! (I've got a bad feeling about this one Neil... - ed)
The press were following up rumours of a clandestine romance developing between Steinitz and Britney Spears and had staked out a local restaurant where Britney was known to be dining with an unknown male companion. When Britney exited the restuarant she was on the arm of the England goalkeeper David Seaman. The burly 6ft 2 Seaman shielded Britney from the unwanted attentions of the paparazzi by covering her head with his coat and guiding her to her waiting limosine.
The German world cup campaign got under way to day with a typical machine like performance from Deep Blue beating the hapless Saudi, Vladimir Kramnik, in only 8 moves. It was the fastest win in a world cup for over 20 years. Kramnik's defence was nowhere to be seen as the Germans had a field day.
Saudi coach to stay on....
After their 8-0 drubbing at the hands of the Germans, rumours are rife that the Saudi Arabian coach will be sacked very soon. This has been denied by a Saudi spokesman saying "It is only the first game, we will make sure that coach Nasser Al Johar is given a fair crack of the whip. Once he arrives home". (source, Neil Coward)
May 31st 2002 - Senegal have shocked France and the chess playing world as Ponomariov claimed victory over Alekhine in the opening game of the World cup.
Alekhine, who considers himself the defending champion, struggled to find his stride.
The French defence was clearly found lacking and it was their mistakes that led to a piece being won on the 30th move. It was a scrappy affair and Alekhine failed to clear a knight on e3 and was soon a piece down.
Ponomariov, playing with the black pieces, shone at the back, marshalling his men and snuffing out any signs of danger but further up the field it was a queen who stole the limelight. Alekhine seemed unable to cope with the pace of the modern game as the queen raced clear on 30
minutes before crossing to the centre from the 2nd rank. A misunderstanding in the heart of the French defence when a knight was left unmarked and was quickly able to slam a white piece back in the box.
The tactic failed to ingite France, despite enjoying the possession of the majority of squares, they lacked inspiration and imagination.
Alekhine had chances in the second 45 moves but failed to convert. Ponomariov was cautioned by the referee for his excessive hip jiggling dance of celebration but apart from that the game was a good natured affair. There's the promise of more to come from this plucky youngster, but don't write off Alekhine just yet!
France: Rook, knight*, bishop, queen, king, bishop,
knight, rook, pawn, pawn, pawn,
pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn
* sent off in 30th minute
Senegal: Rook, knight, bishop, queen, king, bishop,
knight, rook, pawn, pawn, pawn,
pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn, pawn
(sub Queen - not used) (source, Neil Coward)
Other News: Argentina are in the headlines again after cheating in a friendly against England. It was discovered that coming towards the 20th move the Argies had 9 pawns to England's 8. A spokesman for the unrepentant Argentine team said it was the Pawn of God.
Lasker is also on a final warning after mistaking the Uruguayan representative, Vishy Anand, of being an Asian Student coming out of a nightclub. (You won't get that if you live outside the UK)
Finally, Britney Spears, she with the impressive string of clean sheets under her belt, was caught out in a warm up against Russia, when Tal dribbled right round the edge of her box and slipped a tight one in at the back post. ;) (source, MrPrincie)
May 30th 2002 - On the eve of the World Cup the Germans have gone and invaded Poland again, after an unpleasant incident at a Japanese McDonalds when Korchnoi said Deep Blue was sh*t and he was going to give him some.
Bronstein is also looking doubtful after breaking a bone in his foot. Allegedly he punted Karpov up the a**e in a belated retalliation for the Falklands War 20 years ago. (source, MrPrincie)
The world sends message to India and Pakistan - If you really have to nuke yourselves into oblivion, can you at least wait till the world cup is finished? Cheers.
May 29th 2002 - Spassky given a final warning after brawling with his second for making him sit in Economy Class on the flight to the tourney, and for not cutting his fish into small enough pieces. (source, MrPrincie)
May 18th 2002 - David Hasselhoff has raised concerns about the car parking facilities.
Rumour of Steinitz seen canoodling with Britney Spears during a candlelit meal at a local restaurant. (source, Neil Coward)
May 16th 2002 - Buffy the Vampire Slayer has pulled a hamstring during a staking session.
Also I understand Bobby Fischer insists he will not play unless the pitch is shortened by 5cm and the grass is made a shade lighter than it currently is. (source, Neil Coward)
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